Social Worker in the South

Re-igniting the Dreams

2012-01-13T07:24:00.002-05:00

SOMETIMES it's important to revisit and re-ignite the dreams that brought us to the field of Social Work. Did we want to eventually open a private practice, an agency, or stay in the direct service field? Lately, as I get closer to the time when I can sit for my LCSW, I am getting re-energized. I think knowing I must work in the field for three years has allowed me to dig in where I am right now, though it is not where I want to stay.

So, I was driving down the road the other day, and my dreams and goals came flooding back to me, and I felt exhilarated! Just knowing I am on a path, and I am living the path, too, lets me trust that all those dreams are coming true!

So, here's to all of us who are working in the field to learn how to be the best clinicians we can be before we sit for our clinical exam, and then head off into the sunlight of our aspirations!

Happy Friday! Dream On.

~SSW

"I Don't Get Paid to Be Nice"

2011-12-11T00:48:00.002-05:00

I DON'T GET THE MENTALITY OF CPS workers who believe they have to be tough, or who think they have the right to treat people with anything less than dignity.

Don't get me wrong; I believe that there is a time for being firm, and serious. In fact, I believe child protection is a pretty serious career choice, and I am concerned when I see things being taken lightly.

I do not agree that it's okay, and I will not stand idly by, when a worker engages in disrespectful behavior toward clients, regardless of the allegations against them.

As CPS workers, it is not our role to blatantly pass judgement, and we are not judges or police officers. Our role is to secure safety for children in immediate danger, to work with families to help repair what is broken, and to sometimes remove children from unsafe environments -- both temporarily and permanently.

As a supervisor, I have a keen ear for voices that ring out with "better than" tones, and I can see when a worker is being triggered into less than respectful behavior. My charge is to reign these attitudes back in, and to educate workers to be more humanistic.

As the days go by, I continue to believe that you cannot help someone by beating them down. Our population, for the most part, has already been beaten up, and down, and I don't think we can be change agents by repeating the same behavior that people we work with are used to receiving. Modeling a different way to be in the world, and guiding others toward a kinder, healthier, and more loving path, is what I do for my paycheck. I will leave judging and punishing to those who carry the credentials to enforce such charges.

~SSW

The Hardest Words in Child Welfare

2011-11-01T21:25:00.001-04:00

"We are petitioning the court to gain custody of your children."

No matter that:

her children (ages 3 and 7) have been found roaming the streets alone (together and separately) four (4) times since the case opened
we've had reports from the school, the police, the neighbors
the services we've put in place do not seem to be effective
she can't explain "why" she leaves her children alone

... these are some of the most difficult words I have ever uttered to another human being, much less to a woman who is cradling her 3-year-old child while I speak.

Later, I told my staff that if this ever becomes easy, we are in the wrong field. I supervise a Unit that works to keep families together, not place kids in foster care. Yet, sometimes we get cases are that are very risky, with lots of history in the "system." And, sometimes, the best choice is to "err on the side of safety for the children," and place the children into care.

What I believe, as a social worker and a human being, is that most, if not all, people need help, support, love, respect, and kindness. What I see a lot in my field is that people misuse power, and treat people with way less than dignity. My daily prayer is to use my power wisely, and to not take it lightly nor wield it thoughtlessly.

While the saying: "When we know better, we do better," is a bit simplistic, I do believe that most people can change. I know they cannot do it alone, without support, love and kindness.

As I looked into this mother's eyes and told her we were petitioning the court for custody of her children, I made every effort to treat her with love and kindness. I tried to put myself in her place, although I do not believe I would leave my children unsupervised for a nano-second at those ages. I tried to explain what would happen next, and what she could expect. As the tears rolled down her cheeks (and I kept my emotions in check), she remained calm and contained, something I can't imagine I would do under the circumstances.

Today was a tough one. As I prepare for sleep, I am sending prayers and hopes for this family, because I believe people can change. I believe that this mother can reunite with her children as those changes begin to occur.

~SSW

Learning More About CSEC

2011-10-25T21:57:00.002-04:00

ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY, the 11th Annual Child Abuse and Neglect Conference was held in Atlanta, Georgia. While there were an assortment of presentations on Child Abuse and Neglect, the focus of this year's conference was on Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children (CSEC), or, the selling of children for sex.

The keynote speakers included Sharon Cooper, M.D., F.A.A.P, and Rachel Lloyd, M.A. Dr. Cooper's presentations, "Eye of the Storm, Part I and II," were intense introductions to the issue of child sexual trafficking, and we learned that the very city we were staying in -- Atlanta -- is the No.1 hub for human trafficking among Hispanics, and in the top five for all other ethnic groups. With videos and compelling speech, Dr. Cooper took her participants into the lives of pimps, and child sex slaves, and shared the realities of the sophisticated Internet and other networking capabilities of those involved in the "children for sale" sex trade.

Ms. Lloyd, a nationally recognized expert on the issue of CSEC, and a survivor, shared information about her center, Girls Educational and Mentoring Services (GEMS) in New York where she directs a three-prong program that includes drop in, residential and independent living centers. GEMS is now the nation's largest organization offering direct service to American victims of CES and domestic trafficking. Her outreach program, which was started by her with a computer and $30, today reaches more than 1,000 youths per year with direct services, leadership programs, and education.

Her passionate message drove home the importance of the victim-survivor-leader model, as well as the "Stages of Change" model. Not defining survivors by their pain, and focusing on the work, as well as connecting at the "heart level" with the girls, is what makes her program so successful.

Some takeaways for me, and there were many, are that we need to work toward educating the public that the victims are not to blame, and we must work toward propelling the girls forward, rather than thinking they are victims for life. We must work to end the prosecution of child victims of trafficking, and focus on offering healing instead. The prosecution should be directed at the pimps, perps, and "johns."

The most troubling part of all of this involves "Demand." What is the matter with people who think it's okay to have sex with children? They create the Demand, and then Pimps step up to abduct and brainwash the most vulnerable of our human race. Pimps use control and power to force children into the sex trade. Children do not profit in any way in this horrific life, and sadly this is where they feel loved, sometimes for the first time. The pimp (called father or boyfriend) sells them for money along with a "stable" of other girls.

I have accumulated some resources in the effort to urge you to educate yourself, and share the information in your agencies, and among your colleagues. We must dig deeper to locate these children, and if we do, we need to love them until they can love themselves. Like Ms. Lloyd explained, they aren't going to change overnight. The girls may go back and forth to their pimps for awhile. But if we are "seed planters," they might just come over to our side where they can be protected and loved, in the real sense of the word.

Related links:
http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Like-Us-Fighting-Activist/dp/0061582050

http://www.gems-girls.org/

https://www.facebook.com/girlsarenotforsale?sk=wall

http://www.change.org/petitions/tell-village-voice-media-to-stop-child-sex-trafficking-on-backpagecom?utm_source=action_alert&utm_medium=email&alert_id=VaeZQBCzrs_sePofLaEFS

~SSW

Wind of Change

2011-10-20T23:08:00.000-04:00

"Take me to the magic of the moment

On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change..."(Scorpions)

TONIGHT, on the long ride home from work, I talked with a man about dreams. His dreams, specifically. He has fallen in love with a beautiful woman, and he bought her a ring. He shared his joy and hope with me, and I lived vicariously through him for a while.

He also shared his dream of opening a half-way house one day. My heart leapt for a moment when I thought about my dreams. I am on the path, and sometimes it feels like it is taking too long. Then I remember this journey is what it's all about. I will get where I am going. The going is what matters. Every moment matters. Every magic moment.

It's interesting that we want to earn our degree(s), get a job, pass our LMSW and LCSW exams, and get to the place where we think we are headed (private practice, director of an agency, therapist, counselor, supervisor). The real magic is in the "getting there," isn't it?

I have been (re)reading Elizabeth Lesser's book, "The Seeker's Guide," and she writes about how there is "no escape," from the present with all of its trials and tribulations. We can't escape from what is challenging and difficult. We have to breathe into it and "live it." We can't run away from the relationship, the job, the "whatever" from which we think we need to escape. When we want to escape, or run, going in deeper is usually the answer.

So, as I ponder my next steps, I am willing to stay right where I am -- deeply -- until I am sure that the next decision is not about running away, but rather about walking peacefully toward the next best thing.

~SSW

Empathy for the Intern

2011-10-06T07:21:00.005-04:00

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN what it's like to be an intern. Heck, it was just a little over a year and a half ago when I finished my field practice. In the beginning I was working full-time, going to four or five graduate classes, and my internship added 24 hours to the mix.

At first it was an adrenaline rush. I amazed myself that I could do it all! I became incredibly efficient, not sweating ANY of the small stuff at work, school or the agency where I interned. A few months later, there wasn't enough caffeine to fuel the energy I needed to accomplish this tall order.

I was given the go-ahead at work to reduce my hours to 32 (and still receive all benefits). This helped for awhile until I came to my final nine months of school. Forget that I hadn't spent any quality time with my family, and never mind that week-ends became the time to catch up with homework, study and complete projects. Friends? Exercise? Housework? Nope, Nada. Uh Uh.

My husband and I had socked away my paychecks for a year, and I was able to quit my job to concentrate on my final semesters. Once I got used to a somewhat more reasonable schedule, I could not fathom how I had managed the first year and a half!

As I work with my first MSW intern in a full-circle moment, I am cognizant of what she is going through. Being close enough to my own experience is a plus for her, because I am likely to be the kind of field instructor I wished I'd had (empathetic, for one thing!).

I applaud the MSW interns out there. Stay the path, keep the faith, and know it is so worth it when you get to the other side.

~SSW

Home is Where They Love You

2011-10-01T02:00:00.004-04:00

WHEN I WAS IN MY EARLY TWENTIES, I gave my father a handmade plaque that had the words, "Home is Where They Love You," painted on it. He placed it above a built-in cupboard in his small kitchen.

Looking back, I know that simple sign was in and of itself a wish, a hope.

As the child of alcoholic, prescription drug-addicted, and violent parents, all I ever wanted was a peaceful, loving family. I didn't have it with them then, and I don't have it with them now. Still, every now and then, I get caught up with the fantasy of a family who knows how to unconditionally love one another, and, when I do, it causes me a lot of pain.

My mentor said something very prophetic today: "If you want to analyze anything, it should be why you feel the need to subject yourself to such unhappiness." She was referring to my attempts to visit my faraway siblings and parent. Every step toward scheduling the trip had a big barrier, and every word that came from the other end of the phone line was hurtful ("you can't stay with us," and there isn't enough room for you," and "she doesn't want you to stay").

My irrational need to make a duty trip home was propelling me toward the madness that is my biological family. I was telling myself things like, "My father is getting old and won't be around much longer," and "I haven't been home for years." For every try to get there, there were several compelling arguments not to go. After an unbearably painful hang-up call with my father, I was done.

I called my husband, who had been patiently waiting for me to spiral back down to my generally sensible self.
"We are not going," I said, trying not to cry.
Silence.
"They don't want me to come, and I don't want to go."
Still he listened.
"You are my family," I said, collapsing into tearful emotion.
"I know, baby, I know. Come home," he said as I sobbed into the phone.
Later he said he knew I had to get to that place by myself, and that he knew he couldn't take me there any quicker.

He is my "home where they love me."

~SSW

I Think I Need Some Time Off

2011-09-18T22:23:00.003-04:00

HOW DO YOU KNOW when you need time off?

For me, it's when I am super tired. And, more often than not, I won't want to go to work. I'll want to stay home and relax. A mental health day just won't cut it, either. I'll need consecutive days off. Several.

Why am I writing about this now? You guessed it. I am feeling the need to take some time off from work. So, I am going to check the calendar, and see where I can block out some days. Just for me.

I feel better already.

~SSW

Remembering why we chose this field

2011-09-01T12:06:00.001-04:00

IT WAS A BUSY DAY. I was trying to get my work finished to allow for a furlough, holiday, and three days of training. I knew if I got behind, I would pay for it upon my return.

As I raced down the corridor toward my office, my head buzzing with a task list, I spotted two young men in the child visitation room. I could hear a music box playing a plucky rendition of "The Way We Were." I stopped in my tracks.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked.

The younger of the two was curled up on a couch, looking as if he was ready to nap. He looked at me and said, "Nothing."

"Do you want to watch a video?" I asked, gesturing toward a bookcase filled with old VHS tapes.

"We've seen all of them," the older boy said. Let me explain what that means if you haven't already figured it out. These children have been in our visitation room so many times that they have watched more than 20 videos.

"Are you bored?" I asked, thinking, 'Where is their case manager?'

"Yes. I have cleaned the entire room," said the older child. I looked around the room, and noticed how spotless and organized it was.

"Wow. You did a great job," I said. I headed toward the door and said, "Hold on, let me see what I can find."

I gathered up some snacks, craft books, and other books for the children. The younger boy sprang to life, and reached for the craft book. Soon he was turning the pages, and picking a project. I brought scissors, paper plates, string, markers, and tracing paper. He busied himself with creating a mask.

I left them to their "play," and asked the young man to come and get me when he finished certain steps, and I checked in on them (they were 10 and 15) now and then. At one point I could hear their mother talking with them. Apparently there had been discipline issues in their foster home, and their biological mom was brought in to talk with them.

At the end of their visit, I was helping to put finishing touches on the mask when their mom came in to say good-bye. The younger child tried to be brave, and he wiped his tears on his sleeves. After she left, I looked at him and asked, "Are you okay?" knowing he wasn't but opening a door for him to talk about it if he wanted.

"I just miss my mom," he said. The instant lump in my throat made it difficult to speak, and I swallowed hard and said, "Of course you do." I rubbed his back in an effort to comfort him, and his rigid back softened a little.

"Why are you in the foster home?" I asked, knowing it's important for him to understand "why."

"I was left alone. And I had marks on me."

"Oh, I see. How old were you when you were left alone?"

"Seven."

"And, who left the marks on you?"

"I don't know," he said.

I did not pry. I kept my voice soft as we worked on his mask. I praised him as he added stars, and other personal icons to the transformed paper plate. If he wanted to deny that his parent beat him so severely that he had marks, and was removed from his home, I was not about to make him talk about it today.

It was time for the boys to return to their foster home. We put the mask on the younger child's face after making the eye-holes a little bigger. He looked great! His older brother, who, by now, had become quite fascinated by the music box, gave him kudos, too. It was a good moment. I told him he could keep the music box. His little brother said, "It will probably help him to sleep."

I asked him, "Do you have trouble sleeping?"

"I don't sleep. I have so much energy," he answered. (I will be reporting this to his case manager later to try to help him get some rest.)

As I watched the two brothers head down the corridor toward the exit, it occurred to me that this was the most important "work" I did today. Everything else could wait.

~SSW

Furloughs and three-day week-ends, oh my

2011-08-07T18:40:00.002-04:00

THE MISSING PAY can be a drag, but three-day, and even four-day week-ends, can be fabulous. Such is the case when you work for the state, and furloughs are part of the deal. But hey, you can't put a price tag on time off.

There are workers who disdain the furloughs. I never worked for the state when furloughs weren't mandated, so I don't "miss" the money, per se. Our new commissioner promises to cut the furloughs from 12 to 6 days in 2012. I guess I will see how much of a difference it makes then, huh?

And, until that day, I will count my blessings for this glorious time off.

~SSW

Late Night Energy

2011-07-24T22:28:00.000-04:00

GO FIGURE! I have enjoyed a somewhat lazy, somewhat productive Sunday that included staying in my jams until noon, throwing in an occasional load of laundry, watching a Netflix movie, riding my scooter around the 'hood, and piecing together some fairly healthy eats for me and the husband dude.

Now here it is, close to shut-eye time and I get a SUPER BURST of energy that won't quit. I've fired off several work-related e-mails, put together a game plan to respond to news that a worker has unexpectedly resigned, effective immediately, and packed my work bag for tomorrow.

Oh, and I am posting to my blog, too, now. What the what!?

I guess I could inflict some cognitive therapy on myself and just shut it down, but I also think it is sometimes healthy for me to ride this energy bubble. I feel productive and I might as well take advantage of it, huh?

How about you? Do you ever get the late-night desire to light the oil lamp, and burn it up? If so, do you allow yourself to do it, or are you more disciplined than me? I'd love to hear about it!

~SSW

Keeping the Focus on the Work

2011-07-06T23:14:00.001-04:00

I TELL MYSELF DAILY: Keep the focus on the work.

Here are some common occurrences that cause me to repeat the mantra throughout my day:

When egos get in the way, and it seems that the families have been forgotten
When a worker takes short-cuts and appears to want to do as little as possible to get the job done
When it all seems overwhelming, impossible, and less than fulfilling

Keep the focus on the work.

When I need support and it is unavailable for one reason or other
When our units seem more like rivals than team-mates
When I feel inadequate, or as if I am not cut out for the work

How to know when you are keeping the focus on the work.

You are connecting with workers and families and community partners
It's more important to have peace than to to be right
The days fly by and you are energized by the work
You look forward to going to work in the morning
You are able to sleep well, knowing you did your very best
You can't imagine doing anything else, at least not today
You want to smile and laugh in the face of calamity, knowing you may have made a tiny little change in a child's life

~SSW

A Letter on the 4th of July

2011-07-06T07:45:00.000-04:00

As a Child Protective Services supervisor, I spent my four day furlough/holiday on call. As I, and the much valued trench-worker, responded to the "way-too-many" reports we received, I thought about the children who are not free, and how they are imprisoned in their own homes where they are abused and neglected on a daily basis. While their caregivers are "free" to treat these precious and vulnerable children in the ways they choose, once we learn of the horrors they have inflicted, they are anything but free.

I believe the family must heal in order for child abuse and neglect to change in the world. And my heart continues to break as I witness this abuse of power, this entitlement of the freedom to "hurt."

I remain optimistic in this field of sadness and grief. I see hope in the faces of children who somehow develop resiliency to "soldier on" in wars that they did not volunteer to fight in. And, I continue to believe that if one child's life can be improved, my work will matter, and all the hell that they have endured will somehow help another person to one day believe in the gift of "heaven."

On-call Supervision

2011-07-05T23:09:00.000-04:00

UNTIL FAIRLY RECENTLY, I was an on-call worker in the trenches of child protective services. I dragged my tired, bedraggled self out from under the cool summer sheets, or cozy winter ones, to answer the on-call phone, and get the initial scoop from the reporter. Then I would call the on-call Sup to get some guidance (do I go out or not?), and based on our "back and forth," which sometimes involved a couple more calls to the reporter and the supervisor, I would either crawl back into the bed, or grab my bag, complete with all the necessary forms, clipboard, paper, pens and pencils ~ and also pack some water and snacks, and head out into the night, or wee hours of the morning.

Fast forward to the last few months, and I am now the supervisor on the other end of the phone. What's that like, you ask? It's the same, and it's WAY different.

Different because I stay in my pjs in the comfort of my home.
The same because I have to wake up in the middle of the night, or whenever the worker gets a call.
Different because I do not have to meet the police or hospital workers face-to-face, nor do I even have to speak with them on the phone.
The same because I hear about the dysfunction at about the same time as the worker.
Different because the worker is relying on me to help him/her make difficult decisions in a short period of time, at a time of day when much of the world is sleeping, or at least not responding to child abuse and neglect calls.
The same because what we decide to do will impact families and our agency.
Different because I cannot be there to assess the situation, and I must rely on the worker to make the right decisions.

Much of the time, especially in a smaller agency, the on-call workers and supervisors are not members of the investigation unit. More often than not, the worker might work in permanency or ongoing units, and the urgency of investigations, or assessments, is disarming and stressful. It can be an adrenaline rush, too, and it is very exciting to be a first responder.

As a new Sup, I am very conscientious, and often err on the side of caution. There are calls that are as clear as a bell, and we know exactly what to do immediately. Other incidents that come over the wire are muddy at best, and some are downright frustrating!

One practice I have included in my role as an on-call Sup is to support and praise the worker. I thank them often, remind them to be careful, and always tell them they are doing a great job. Over and over again.

Why? Because on-call work is a mostly thankless job. It is unpaid work; workers get comp time; supervisors get no extra compensation. Workers are expected to come in to work the next day; flexing out is reserved for later when all the documentation has been entered. It is fast-paced, and sometimes constant. The stress is high, and the down-time is pretty much non-existent. Even if you get few calls when on-call, it is a restless, almost anxious experience, and when the phone is on, the chance that it may ring is high, and probable.

I hope I always remember what it was like to be in the trenches: The dread of the phone's ring; The sudden break in sleep to answer the buzzing phone that is plugged in at bedside; That lonely feeling of heading out into the night, leaving the dog curled up on the hearth, and my husband softly snoring in the bed.

I also want to recall the really amazing experiences in the trenches: The relief on a child's face when help finally arrived; Feeling a soft, small hand in mine as I walked a little girl to the door of her foster family's home and away from the horrors in her own home; Being able to mediate with a family so that the child stayed right where they were, and right where they needed to be -- in their own home.

It's the career we've signed on for in child welfare, and on-call is part of the deal.

~SSW

Gratitude List

2011-06-23T22:55:00.002-04:00

EVERY NOW AND THEN I write a gratitude list to help put things in perspective. I thought I would share one with you in the hopes that you, too, might use this tool to color your world when it seems a bit too bleak.

I am grateful for:

The summer rain on our dry southern soil
A husband who worries about me as I drive the commute on rainy roads
A 12-year-old rescue "pup" who never tires of greeting me at the door with a toy (or two) in her mouth
A mailbox filled with good news and a Net Flix movie
A good friend who meets me on a whim for dinner and then makes me laugh and smile
The discovery of a fabulous health food store in the city where I just started working ~ complete with a helpful, passionate staff
CHOCOLATE

A new lumbar support seat cover to add comfort to the long drive back and forth
Having a county director who believes in me and sees my abilities ~ and tells me
A staff who appear to be performing already (the four stages are forming, storming, norming and performing)
Finding willing and able relatives to care for a child instead of placing her in Foster Care
Knowing that everything is temporary, and hanging on loosely, and doing my best to follow Don Miguel's Four Agreements:

I would LOVE to hear what you are grateful for!
~SSW

Bossy Pants

2011-06-20T22:12:00.002-04:00

SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO ME. I think it's a good thing. It's different. I wonder if it is because I earned an advanced degree. I wonder if I have matured, and if being a bit older makes a difference, too.

Here it is: I am not taking any crap off anybody.

There I said it. And, I mean it. Life is too short (at least this time around!) to waste with people who are bummers, who sit in a negative stew all the time, and who nit-pick, compete, and mostly forget to practice what they preach!

I am at a crossroads with a woman who does my LCSW supervision. From the moment I flew in on my bicycle tonight, "Don't you know how hot it is outside?" ~ to the discovery that I forgot to make a copy of a form, "That was my copy!" to just a general icky vibe throughout the time we spend together, I am way over how I feel right now.

I guess I have some meditating to do. The price is right, and the proximity to my home is great (I can ride my bike!). But, you know, there is not a price tag that I can put on joy, or in this case, a sense that I am getting quality supervision. I don't want to feel like I have to rinse off the bad energy when I get home.

As I rode like the wind on the way home (atop my blue bike with the white basket and yellow bell), I thought: The child welfare field is filled with sadness and despair and difficult emotions. And, while I have chosen this field and have a great passion for what I do, I am unwilling to spend my private time voluntarily engaging with negative and bossy people.

It's a choice. And, it appears I may have made mine.

~SSW

A Tale of Two Youngsters

2011-06-16T21:40:00.001-04:00

FOR A PART OF THE DAY TODAY, I accompanied one of my workers to the home of a mentally ill caregiver and his parentified niece. The girl doesn't know she is acting as her uncle's parent, because she has had too many losses in her 10-year-old life. She will do whatever it takes not to lose this person.

First she lost her mother to cancer, and shortly after, her father died, too. Her mother's brother promised his dying sister that he would raise her only daughter. This he is clear about; everything else in his mind is accompanied by demons that only the very mentally disabled can truly understand.

As I gained his trust briefly, my heart was breaking because I knew that though I really wanted to advocate for him, what he most feared -- losing his niece -- was most likely going to happen no matter what we tried.

Why?

Well, first of all, he is lost in a world where delusions and paranoia disallow him to accept any kind of help we might offer. Secondly, his niece is suffering from emotional and educational neglect of which she is not even aware. Thirdly, he has no village, no family, or community support to batten the vulnerable places, and help him raise this child in the way she deserves to be raised.

So, what we will do is use the judicial system to try to force him to get help. To try to bring him to a place where he will accept help. To try to encourage him to be evaluated, and possibly take medication. To help him form healthy relationships with the school, and bus company so he will allow his young charge to do her homework, and ride the bus, as opposed to walking miles on a busy highway everyday because he doesn't trust anyone, and sealing her homework in a plastic bag to prohibit her from completing it.

Will he do these things? Will he take these steps? Is he capable? Most of all, can a child welfare department take him to these places?

We will try.

And, we will place this child's needs first. She has had too many sorrows already, and it's not right for her to have to carry this burden on top of the losses she has already experienced. And, for now, we will diligently search for other family members who may be able to help in a healthier way, for her sake.

And if he can get better, and learn to take care of himself, who's to say they couldn't be reunited in some way, one day?

FAST FORWARD TO 6 PM:
I stopped at the grocery store at the end of the day, and as I placed my items on the belt, I noticed a young boy ahead of me in line, and he was about the same age as the girl I met earlier today. This child seemed to have a disorder of some type. It was hard to diagnose, but his curled hand, and intense focus might have been indicative of Aspergers syndrome, or another type of high functioning autism. After he finished bagging his family's groceries, he began bagging mine.

His father jumped in and said: "No, son, those are not ours."

He replied: "I know. I am going to bag these for the lady."

Several of us --the young, male cashier, the boy's father, and me -- watched with fascination as he bagged my goods in a most organized manner -- packing like items with like items. I might not have been convinced there was anything developmentally awry when he said, urgently: "I need something else. I have the milk in this bag and I need something..."

Without skipping a beat, the cashier (perhaps a prospective social worker) looked at him and said: "No, that's all you need in that bag." The child was immediately calmed, and moved to the next bag.

When he fumbled with bagging a 12-pack of dog food cans, I said: "Hey, you know what? You don't even have to bag that! You can just place it in the cart, just like it is."

As he hoisted the heavy box of cans, his father said: "Be careful, son." He said it in a loving, caring way so as to prevent his son from hurting himself.

After thanking him several times, and sharing that he'd "made my day," I heard his father softly say: "Wow, you are very good at this, son."

As I walked out of the store, smiling, I silently thanked Higher Power for this small gift which reminded me that, somewhere, out there, there may be a village for the young girl I met today ~ after all.

~SSW

100 per cent

2011-06-14T23:50:00.000-04:00

MY FRIEND SAID: "Who the heck does that? Who gets 100 per cent?" Well, I did. On a supervision exam that concluded a six week, 9 day, three days on, six days off, classroom training that was really quite stressful. I think it was designed to allow supervisors to work some and train some, and nobody could have been as stunned as I was when I saw my score.

The three weeks in the classroom consisted of a three-prong training that addressed administrative, educative, and supportive supervision skills training. At the end of the training was a 50-question exam, of which we had to score at least 90 per cent.

It was kind of a cool last day. A "new pal" and I crammed for the test all the way to Arby's where we picked up sandwiches to go, and she chewed out the "jack in the box" kid for saying they had Splenda when they did not! I think it was pre-test anxiety, though she swore it wasn't.

When we returned to the classroom, a handful of sups were studying silently. Soon we all began quizzing one another, and I honestly think it was the best spontaneous action we could have taken. Every person in the impromptu study group scored 96 and upwards.

This particular technical college has been the site where I sat for two other exams in the past 12 months. The facility houses a "lucky lab," as the testing assistant called it. She remembered me from another work exam where she swears I scored one of the highest scores ever (96). I also passed my LMSW by almost 20 points there in November 2010.

I was pretty sure I might have missed at least two of the questions on this exam, so imagine my DELIGHT when the screen lit up with 100 %! I was more nervous after the test than before, which I still haven't figured out. I have received many high scores in my lifetime, but not many 100 %(s). I have even received A+(s) on papers and essays, but there is something really weird and powerful about a PURE 100 per cent!

As a recovering perfectionist, all I can think is that when you get 100, there is no where to go. You have reached the pinnacle, right? The tippity top. No matter: I will revel in the glory, knowing that I studied, and listened, and most of all, I get it!

~SSW

What would you have done?

2011-05-28T15:34:00.001-04:00

PICTURE THIS SCENARIO: You are walking out of a grocery store after purchasing several perishable items. It's 90 degrees in the shade. Your goal? To get home as soon as possible to get your hard-earned food in the ice-box, right?

Suddenly you hear a man's voice screaming "Shut up," in a very angry voice. As you glance over you can see a man is shouting at a tiny child, who is maybe two years old. After the third "Shut up," you hear him threaten to beat the child, "right here."

You weigh your options. Just as you decide you must intervene as a mandated reporter, another man approaches, shakes the man's hand, and then he hoists the young boy into the air in a loving way, looking him in the eyes. You are across the parking lot, so you are watching somewhat of a silent movie. The man leaves, and you see the man is now leaning against the wall, and the child has crouched down into a small ball. The verbal abuse has ceased -- for now.

As you drive away, you bring the car to a crawl, and look directly at the man, so he knows you are looking at him. Giving him the "stink eye" is an understatement for how you are looking at him. You want to say: "He's a baby; STOP yelling at him," and "Do you need help with something?"

My husband said he might have called the police, yet I know as a social worker who works with abused children and law enforcement, that this may have exacerbated the situation. To have a "brother" intervene was exactly the "village-type healing," that was needed.

I can't get it out of my head. Should I have done something more? What could I have possibly done to protect the child? There was no physical abuse to report. There may be a risk for the future, I know, and we DON'T open cases for future risks. The man who intervened may have sent a strong message to the man, and hopefully to the child.

What would you have done? Would you have done something more? I believe if I had walked out right next to the situation, as opposed to hearing it from afar, I may have said something.

~SSW

Furloughs and holidays, oh my!

2011-05-27T23:55:00.003-04:00

WHEN I CAME ON BOARD as a state employee, furloughs were a part of the deal. I have not experienced what my pay would be like without a furlough (one per month), so I have pretty much become accustomed to having at least one three-day week-end per month, and often a four-day week-end, when there is a state holiday tagged on.

This week-end is one of those delicious four-day week-ends. I have to say, at least for me, it will be kind of sad when we start having 6 furlough days per year, rather than 12, in fiscal year 2012.

Until then, or until (if) I leave, I shall be grateful for extra time off. Can't really put a price tag on R & R, eh?

~SSW

'Nuff Said

2011-05-23T23:06:00.000-04:00

Real dialogue between me and a 7-year-old child I interviewed today: Child: "Are you sad?" Me: "Do I look sad?" Child: "Yes. Are you sad because of all the things that have happened to me."

~SSW

Holding on Loosely

2011-05-18T23:05:00.000-04:00

PERHAPS IT'S WHERE I'M AT RIGHT NOW. I feel really centered. I know it's important to find a fit and all, but I think it's bigger than all that. It's not about me. It's about the work. The clients. The families. The workers. I am merely a cog, a player. And it feels good and right.

It's important, yet it's not all there is to this life. It's a job. It's a calling. It's a profession. It's what I do.

This may all sound esoteric. Or nonsensical. Or heady. What I am trying to convey is that I'm in a place of serenity. Acceptance. Joy.

It is where I am at in this moment. Which is all I've got, after all.

~SSW

Mice Will Play...

2011-05-13T17:33:00.001-04:00

SO. WE THREE SUPS HAVE BEEN OUT OF THE OFFICE ALL WEEK. Where, oh where, have we been? Why, in supervisor training, of course! I am exhausted, and happy to be heading in to the weekend.

I am trying not to stress about the work we've left behind. Instead, I am sending regular e-mails to my team, and trusting in their abilities to do the right things, in the best ways.

It's one of those humbling moments for me when I totally get how very little control I have, over anything, really. I also get that when we are in it, we feel more in control, but it's a fallacy, a fantasy, and an ego trip, for sure. At our best, we are in the flow of things, and at our worst, we, as supervisors can just get in the way.

I wouldn't be surprised if the mice are happy as heck that all of us cats are out of the office. They are likely talking about how much work they are getting done without us around to bother them! Why do I think this? Because I have been in their shoes (wait, mice don't wear shoes!). When I was a case manager, I was so grateful when my supervisor was out of the office, and I did feel like I was able to get lots of work finished.

It's kind of weird being away so long for training. I know it's important and I am grateful for the instruction. Yet, it feels odd to be away after just coming on board a couple of months ago. I miss my staff, and I hope they miss me -- at least a tiny bit!

~SSW

Are You a Team Player?

2011-04-30T10:14:00.001-04:00

TEAM PLAYER. It's a word that is batted about, and it's often used to praise or describe an individual in the workplace. It's one of those subjective descriptions that might be uttered by a supervisor when frustrated, as in: "She's not a team player," or, when pleased: "He is a natural team player."

We live in a society that thrives on "healthy" competition. The phrase "it's all about me," is heard or played out in 12-step circles, at lunchroom tables, and in up-town restaurants. Blogs, reality TV shows, and endless bookshelves and Kindle libraries offer up details of daily lives, biographies (authorized and otherwise), and memoirs that generally focus on one person.

When I worked at a city magazine, the staff who were part of my daily life for more than a decade was comprised of a very competitive lot. It seemed most days that each person was trying to out-create the other, and there could only be "one" creative idea. After a while, most people sat back and let the "me-me-mes" control everything from content to artwork to advertising. It was dreadful. Absent was the free flow of creativity, and the "leader" did not have the chutzpah to direct and guide her employees. In fact, she set the pace for shutting down, tuning out, rewarding bad behavior, and ultimately waiting to retire. I have to say that what began as a "Field of Dreams"--type career fizzled into a mundane, predictable, and unsatisfying job. The silver lining for me was that because I was so unfulfilled there, I gave in to my other calling which, of course, is social work.

I ponder Team Playing today because right now I have a director who is a master of, and believer in, TEAMWORK. She gets that it is the only way that an agency can truly operate in a successful way. There is much work that needs to be done in a social services agency, especially one that addresses child welfare issues of neglect and abuse. But more than that, when your heart and soul is really in this type of service, the rewards are many, but not if you are overwhelmed and under-supported.

It's normal, in my opinion, for people to find it difficult to be a team player in social service agencies where so much is expected of them already, and where being a team player might mean "more work."

But it's not just about pitching in and helping that determines whether or not you are a team player. It's about taking time to listen and really hear someone. It's about accepting each others strengths and weaknesses, and finding yours and offering it up for everyone's' benefit. And, finally, it's about a spirit of "agreeing to disagree" that allows us to walk away in a respectful way, with the knowledge that just because we disagree doesn't mean we can't work together, and care about one another.

Let's face it: Workmates are our "work-time" families whether we want to admit it or not. As you've probably heard more times than you care to, we spend more time in the workplace than we do most anyplace else. From the office workers who support us, to our own workers, supervisors and colleagues, we eventually have to find a way to fit in and get along, and more than that, become a vital member of the staff, or we will leave -- either by choice or by the choice of someone else.

To "team-play" or not to "team-play"? For me, the answer is easy. The rewards of joining, and "being a part of" are so much greater than competing on every level. I have left work lately feeling eager to return and I can't say that has always been the case in former places of employment! How about you?

~SSW

I must like my job

2011-04-21T23:53:00.002-04:00

A FRIEND SENT A TEXT TO ME THIS WEEK WITH SEVERAL JOB LEADS. Her message read: "If your job isn't what you hoped it would be ... there are several positions open here."

There's nothing quite like wanting what you have.

I'd be lying if I said I don't ever think about looking elsewhere, but it's not been a serious thought, really. I have to admit that when I do feel like looking for another job, it's usually about money. Child welfare jobs don't command the kind of money that workers in the field deserve. I hear what federal workers are making and I swoon. I know that hospitals and school systems pay better, and I get materialistic, yet those jobs do not hold the same appeal for me at this time.

I truly believe you can't do child welfare work for the money, but you can make a decent living. The work is challenging and stressful and demanding and exhilarating all at once, and I have to say I feel so alive at times. Other times I am exhausted, and my brain feels like it is going to implode. A fog seems to gather between my ears, and I wonder if I can think at all!

It feels good to want to be where I am. I honestly could not say this a couple of months ago. It was up or out for me. Life's too short to stay anywhere that doesn't feel right, and I have lived long enough to know when it's not working.

I am in it until it no longer works for me, because what I know is that if it doesn't work for me, I am not helping anyone or anything. And, just for today, this is exactly where I want to be.

~SSW

Being a Supervisor

2011-04-12T22:31:00.000-04:00

IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY BEING A SUPERVISOR, yet it is rewarding.

Most of the time, it is doing the best you can do in the moment, and letting the rest of it go, trusting that in the next moment you will know exactly what to do...

~SSW

Must be a good fit

2011-04-02T11:25:00.001-04:00

AFTER ONE MONTH ON THE JOB, my mentor (who I respect greatly) has informed me that she will be leaving soon to assist another agency. She is a regional worker who travels from agency to agency training, helping, and fixing when there are problems, terminations, and resignations that require new hires and the bolstering of morale and work habits.

The good news is the agency director and she are pleased with my progress, and they both feel I am ready to spread my wings and begin to fly. The not-so-good news is she was slated to stay until June to teach me the ropes and mentor my progress.

I have mixed feelings about this. I think the feelings are mainly "kid fears." As a somewhat neglected kid, I was often left to figure things out on my own. This made me resourceful and smart. However it was a kind of lonely and unsupported path to walk as a youngster, and I didn't really realize I could ask for -- and get -- help until I was an adult. I still have to work at being a part of a team -- not because I don't like to be a "part of," but because I never learned how as a kid. It's always just seemed easier to do things on my own.

Here's the epiphany: It's MUCH easier being part of a team! It reduces anxiety and makes the work way more fun. We can do so much more as a group than as a single unit.

So, how does all of this relate to the GREAT part of all this? The GREAT part being that I am doing well in my new role as a supervisor-- well enough that my mentor feels comfortable with leaving, assuring me that she is a phone call away. Also, my director will be there to step in, she promised. (And, I REALLY like my director.) I guess the lesson here is that "I am not alone," and I do not have to figure it all out by myself. I CAN ask for help whenever and however I need it. And I am STILL new on the job so I don't have to know everything just because I know enough to work somewhat independently.

And, this, my friend, is the beauty of the BLOG. We get to process our stuff in the hopes that one kernel of our rantings and meanderings will help another social worker.

~SSW

Some days...

2011-03-24T00:09:00.002-04:00

YOU KNOW, some days are just hard.

When we remove children from their parents, regardless of the reason (lack of supervision, sexual abuse, medical neglect, physical abuse, etc.), it is still so very difficult.

As I drove the hour commute back home today, I tried to process the most recent removal as best I could. With my shoulders up over my ears, and my breath still caught somewhere deep inside my chest, I could picture the parents and the children. And, you know, as crazy as it seems, all I could recall was the love I witnessed between all of them. I know the parents were putting their babies at risk in really BIG ways. And I know that their substance abuse is not even close to any kind of place of recovery. They can't see how manufacturing drugs in the home is dangerous, and mom will defend the addicted dad forever.

Still. It is damn sad. Another baby is pulled away from her mommy at less than four months of age, and another young boy may not be raised by his biological father. As child welfare workers, we know the effect this has on families, and how the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Heck, this mom was in foster care, and this dad was quite likely sexually abused by his step-father.

This is a day when I wonder how long I, or anyone, can do this work and maintain a positive world view.

As a young foster mother and her best friend carried the babies out to the car, and carefully strapped them into the seats, I tried to be optimistic. When the foster mom felt satisfied with her installation of the youngster's car-seat, she said, "Hallelujah." I heard a precious two-year-old voice echo her word: "Hallelujah." I decided to take that into my memory, to trust it as a sign of better things to come for him and his baby sister.

Hallelujah.
~SSW

Presenting our agency expectations

2011-03-16T20:59:00.001-04:00

I REALLY RESPECT OUR NEW DIRECTOR. She is positive, down-to-earth, and straight to the point. She is an advocate for others, and doesn't mince words. I would like to be more like her.

One of the first directives she gave to my co-leaders and me was to develop our social service unit expectations and present them to our staff. The "dream team, aka powder puff girls, aka three stooges" met three times, and we came up with 12 guidelines. Each of us will present four of them to our staff in the morning.

As the newest supervisor, I feel nervous! I wrote the copy. That comes easy for me and I offered to do it. Today we decided we wanted our director's approval before we present them tomorrow. I handed them to her, and sat with her while she read, and re-read them. She did not make one correction.

I want to explore my nervousness so I can let it go. Here are some of my thoughts:

I want to be a strong leader.
I want to help workers become the best they can be.
I want to be a part of a team.
I want to work smart, not hard.
I want to be "good enough," and not strive for more than is possible at this stage of the game (I only started this job 2 1/2 weeks ago!)

So, please send your good energy as I join with my co-leaders to map out our agency's expectations! I generally do not shy from public speaking so I am counting on my confidence to spring forth just when I need it.

~SSW

First Week on the Job; A Retrospective

2011-03-06T07:54:00.000-05:00

IT'S A LONG DRIVE TO MY NEW OFFICE, and I like it. I listen to CDs, National Public Radio, and audio books. Other than my car needing a bit of work, and our having to finagle working that out, I am okay with commuting so far.

The staff seems fairly relaxed, and people are welcoming. It's a smaller county office, and things move a bit more slowly. WAIT! I want to replace "slowly" with "reasonably." It feels HEALTHY.

As supervisor, I manage four people. This also seems reasonable. I have a mentor and she is easy to work with.

So far, my workers' caseloads are quite manageable. What I would have given to have had such a small load! I am learning about the differences between the county I was in, and this one, and I'll only incorporate practice when it is "best," and leave the rest where it came from. My daily goal is to take what I liked, and leave the rest in my former office.

I walked to the town square on Thursday, and had lunch in a trendy coffee shop (it took about 15 minutes one way). I have packed an extra pair of tennis shoes in my car with the hopes of regularly walking during my lunch hour.

My therapist shared the coolest analogy with me on Friday, and I wanted to share it with you. I was telling her about a couple of things that were disappointing about the new job. She said, and I am paraphrasing: "You wanted to go to Disney World, and you were so excited to ride the Mega-Ferris Wheel. When you got there, the Mega-Ferris Wheel was broken. Bummer! AND yet, you are still at Disney World!"

So, what I take from that is this: The wonders of Disney World remain, and even though a ride is broken, there are so many other great rides, and fun things to see and do!

~SSW

Trusting the Process

2011-02-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

ONE MORE VACATION DAY, and then I am on to the next adventure. This past week has taught me a lot about trusting the process, and knowing that I am NOT in charge of outcomes. I have been talking the talk, and now I will do my best to walk the walk.

Almost 24 years ago, I made a decision to put my trust in a Power greater than myself. My life has never been better. It hasn't been perfect, and no one ever said it was going to be easy, yet the gifts and blessings I have been given have been more than I ever dreamed possible. All that I need and want have come to me in just the right time, and the lessons always were so much more powerful than I could have imagined.

I am having a moment of gratitude for the life I have been given:

I have succeeded and failed;
I have loved and I have lost;
I have been selfish, and I have given when I felt I had nothing left to offer

What I know today is that as long as I step out in faith, truth, and love, I will be on the right path. I may not understand where I am headed, and at times I will surely turn in the wrong direction, but always, I will look to my Higher Power for guidance, trusting that the Power for Good will lead me, correct me, teach me, and love me.

~SSW

Unraveling

2011-02-24T11:02:00.000-05:00

THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. I get a little time off and before long, I feel like I am unraveling. Picture a ball of tightly-wound yarn. (Let's imagine a soft ball of purple lamb's wool, for visual kicks.)

First, may I make an assumption and state the obvious? Social workers are incredibly busy individuals while on the job. (I'm guessing this flows into off-the-clock time, too, in regard to family, community, etc.) It is very possible, in the course of any given work day, to not have one minute to spare.

The ball of yarn is tight and fits safely in the palm of my hand. I hold it together so as not to have any loose ends.

Now, subtract work responsibilities. Completely. An in-between-positions situation. No real responsibilities at either end. Yet.

I don't wanna do housework. I don't wanna change out of my jams. I don't really even wanna take a shower. Not particularly hungry. Don't feel like exercising, or reading, or shopping. Talking with people seems too hard.

So. This. Is. What. It. Is. Like. To. Just. Be.

Got it...

~SSW

P. S. I am going to buy a big ol' ball of purple yarn to keep on my desk as a reminder to let myself unravel during the day.

time to chill

2011-02-17T00:13:00.000-05:00

WOW! I had no idea how exhausted I was! I slept like a rock today and when I awakened, I honestly didn't know what day it was, or if I had to get up and go to work--or what!

The last couple of weeks were intense, what with the one really all-consuming case that resulted in removal of children, and then trying to tie things up for my last day at work yesterday.

My husband and I are traveling to Louisiana for a long week-end, and I have loaded my Kindle with a couple of books. One is by Brene' Brown, called "The Gifts of Imperfection." I heard about it when a friend posted a link on Facebook, and I can already say that I will be recommending it to many of my friends, especially social worker types!

So, for the next 12 days (The 12 Days of Transition!), I am going to sleep and play! And I will do it imperfectly! I will begin my new job at the end of the month, and I plan to be refreshed and ready to roll.

~SSW

one more day

2011-02-14T23:56:00.000-05:00

I'VE FINISHED THE BULK OF MY WORK; all my documentation is written. I have said good-bye to my clients & families, and introduced them to their new case managers. I've spent some quality time with my favorite co-workers, and tomorrow my unit and I are going to lunch.

What's left? I will pack up my stuff (how did I ever collect so much stuff in 9 months?!) I will prepare my case files, and pass them along to my co-workers, and I'll gather up the closed cases and deliver them to the file room.

I'm guessing there will be a few tears, some laughter, and some feelings of relief when it's all said and done. I will hand in my key, my badge, and my case manager status. I will thank some people, hug some others, and feel downright sad about leaving several.

Parting can be such sweet sorrow, even when it's the right move.

~SSW

Good Grief and Kind Words

2011-02-12T21:23:00.017-05:00

I WENT IN TO THE OFFICE TODAY (it's Saturday). I know most of the security officers in my building (yep, it's because I work late at night, sometimes, and on the weekends). I was standing at the security desk talking with one of my fave guards, and as we chatted, our director walked in. He and I caught the same elevator up to our offices, and as we talked, I was overcome with unexpected pangs of sadness.

Here was our discussion (in paraphrase):

Me: I came in today to get my work finished.
He: I know, and I don't want you to see you here, because I don't want you to leave.
Me: I have felt a bit blue, and I was telling my husband that I am sad to leave.
He: You have done such a great job, and if I don't tell you this before you leave, just know that I hate to see you go. I understand you want to go, but I don't want you to leave. You have done such a great job; you are so good.
Me: (eyes filling with tears)

As we each walked out of the elevator, going in separate directions, my director said: "The reason I fought to keep you until now [mid-month] is because I really don't want you to leave."
Me: Thank you, and I will miss you. Maybe one day I will come back to work here.
He: I would like to see that happen.

That was hours ago, and as I type the words we shared, I feel like it was a dream, and I am having a hard time taking it in. I feel like I am being a braggart or something by repeating it. But, I want to share it in the event that a supervisor or director or manager or boss reads my blog. Because I want to say that it mattered to have him say these kind words to me. It mattered.

~SSW

Getting ready for the change

2011-02-10T23:12:00.001-05:00

MY LAST FULL WEEK of work has come and gone and the reality of my leaving is setting in. I have been scheduling home visits with my clients and bringing the "new Case Manager" along with me. My clients have expressed gratitude and sadness at my leaving, and I will remember their kindnesses.

One of the children on my caseload recited the two words I taught her: eloquent and concise. She also defined the words for us. She epitomizes the two words, and that is what I had told her one day, months ago. She had asked me to write them down for her, and also to explain what they meant. It was a pretty touching moment tonight when she surprised me with this parting gift.

I will have 12 days off before I begin my new position. I am grateful for a break. I plan to rest, meditate, walk, read, and mentally prepare.

Last week, a new case resulted in the removal of three teenagers. The process was long and exhausting as it involved the work of investigation, family preservation, and placement. The events involved drug tests, big dogs, and a group home, and resulted in custody being granted to the father. I laughed and cried, felt overwhelmed and relieved. This work is not for the faint of heart.

Looking back, I am grateful for the case, as it required my total attention. I was not able to lapse into perfectionism regarding tying up the loose ends of my remaining work. I would have likely "over worked," and I am trying to do less of that these days.

As I walk through my last days at my current job, my goals are to continue closure efforts with clients, empty my office of personal items, and prepare my case files for the workers to whom I will be passing my clients.

I am ready! I hope to continue posting on my blog as a new supervisor.

~SSW

What do you like/not like about your supervisor?

2011-01-26T00:31:00.000-05:00

I WANT FEEDBACK from workers in the trenches. I want to know what you like in a supervisor, and what you absolutely don't like. Don't hold back; this is your chance to anonymously sound off (aka vent) about those people who guide (or not), support (or not), and care about you (or care less) as you head in and out of the trenches each day helping families who have veered away from center.

Why do I want to know? Because I am curious, for one thing. And, I want to hear from you so that I can become better.

We all have supervisors, or directors, or commissioners, right? While I firmly believe that I am working for a much bigger boss, a Higher Power, I also have to answer to a human person called a supervisor.

I'll start:

What I don't like in a supervisor:

lack of compassion and/or empathy
micro-managers
those who do everything by the book aka "policy thumpers" (don't get me wrong, I want to follow all regs and rules, I just don't want to be thumped with them)
those who do not try to help their workers advance

What I like in a supervisor:

someone who has done the very work that I am doing so they know of what they are speaking
someone who listens to their workers and cares about their mental health
someone who has a sense of humor, and the ability to bring light into the darkness of child abuse and neglect
someone who trusts that I will do my job, and do it well, because I have shown them I can

Your turn, please.

~SSW

Changing Positions

2011-01-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

YESTERDAY I GOT THE CALL, and I accepted a supervisory position with my agency. I will start mid-February, and I am thrilled about the promotion.

Today, knowing this while out in the field, I became acutely aware of how much I care about my clients--my families. While I rarely initiate contact with children; I generally only reciprocate, two of the youngsters on my caseload were very loving toward me, and it was a poignant experience. Once again, I realized how very much I enjoy direct client contact.

Still, I yearn to be a supervisor at this time in my life. Why? I hesitate to say this, and I certainly do not want to judge, yet I have observed so many unhealthy and seemingly uncaring leadership styles in the agency where I work. As a case manager, I have witnessed micro-management that borders on abusive. I see how every person is put into one basket, and treated like a number, with no consideration given to personality differences, or personal work habits. I have seen how my unit's morale has been desecrated, and I know that most of my co-workers are looking elsewhere for employment. I just happen to be the first to leave. And, I am not leaving the agency, just the position.

My hopes and prayers are that I can bring a spirit of kindness and caring to the position. I want to be a gentle leader, and I believe there is great strength in gentleness. Yes, I will have standards, but I will treat each person as an individual. I will look for their strengths, and help them to address the places where they are not as strong.

Ironically, it is the same way I approach every human being on the planet, with dignity and fairness. I ask for guidance and direction in every move I make. It is not about me or the ways I may think things need to be, but rather our work, our mission, must be for the greater good of the families, and especially the children we serve each and every day.

~SSW

Spiritual Politics

2011-01-15T01:12:00.008-05:00

"Always speak of the past, gratefully.
Of the future, excitedly.
And of the present with bobbing eyebrows and a Cheshire grin.
Spiritual politics, baby."(The Universe)

I applied for a position within my agency, in another county this month. I was called for an interview soon after. I interviewed the next day. It felt good to me. I really respect the woman who is the director of the county office who has many years of experience at the agency. I believe I can learn much from her.

Today I packed my dog and me into the car to take a test drive to the agency's office; it's about 100 miles round trip - give or take a few miles. It is a smaller building, and it's smack dab in the middle of a military town. From what I've heard, many of the families served by the office live on post.

I decided when I applied for this position that I would turn it over to "the spirit in the sky." Funny how when I do that, the stress is much less, and the angst and wondering subside. My mentor said: "If it's for you, it will be yours. And if it is to be for you, it is yours already."

Do I have a sense of whether I will get a job offer or not? I go in and out of knowing, and not knowing, and, just for today, that is okay with me.

Here's to bobbing my eyebrows with excitation!

~SSW

Turning it over

2011-01-03T00:56:00.000-05:00

SO... I took some steps; sent them out to the Universe with a prayer (and a resume and cover letter), and I am letting it go. Same agency, different position, new location.

There are pros and cons if I get it ~ or don't get it.
Pros: more money, new challenge, growth
Cons: commute, smaller agency, change

I am excited. I am calm. I am okay with whatever happens. I can always take another step. It feels really good to NOT be overly invested in the outcome.

Here's to trusting in my Higher Power!
~SSW

Time Away

2010-12-26T21:30:00.000-05:00

A break...

Time off...

Lazy afternoons...

Books to read late into the night...

Movies...

Phone calls with friends...

Doing whatever--and nothing at all....

Happy holidays all, and to all a great break!

~SSW

Stretching

2010-12-22T23:58:00.001-05:00

I AM MOVING FORWARD.

I have taken some steps toward the next level by speaking with an HR person in my agency, and getting some ideas. My next step is to contact someone in the leadership role in another county to get some feedback regarding my intentions.

I WILL keep you posted. It is important to me right now to stay in motion. I do not want to get stuck at entry level because I am doing well.

The sky, my friends, is the limit.

~SSW

Just because you can...

2010-12-12T02:04:00.000-05:00

I am feeling the pull to move forward.

It's not just passing the licensing exam, although that has given me a sense of accomplishment, and a boost of confidence; it's knowing that I have "mad skills," and I want to use them.

I am not in my twenties or thirties anymore. I don't need to get more life experience. I already have it. I want to reach my potential, use my knowledge, and frankly, be compensated for all that I have to offer.

I took action this past week, and sent my intentions out into the Universe -- and into the ears of the person who hired me. And, the Universe saw fit to have me placed in the path of this person, not once, not twice, but three times in as many days. And, since they don't live in my city, it feels like one of those serendipitous things in life that -- in my opinion -- is way more than a coincidence.

I am stepping out into the exciting unknown and putting myself out there. Until I am able to hang out my shingle, I want to get as much experience as I can so that I can be the best clinician possible for my clients.

It's all about service. I can learn a lot where I am, and I am willing to stay ~ if it works out for me, too. Just because I am an asset to my unit or agency, that doesn't mean it is working for me.

One of my first mentors told me: "Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to." As I trudge this road of happy destiny, I am filled with the anticipation of knowing I am guided and directed to serve others in ways that bless me, also.

I will keep you posted, as I hope you will share your wildest dreams with me!

~SSW

I PASSED THE LMSW EXAM!

2010-11-30T22:57:00.003-05:00

WHAT WAS IT LIKE? HOW ABOUT A PLAY-BY-PLAY?

7 AM: I awaken, shower, get dressed, and eat breakfast: protein (egg) and carb (muffin) with Tulsi Tea (good for nerves and alertness). I hug my husband and say good-bye to the dog.

8:07 AM: I leave the house with plenty of time to arrive by 9 AM.

8:40 AM: I arrive at testing center.

8:50 AM: I talk briefly with the proctor. She says, "Have a seat in the lobby and relax." I say, "I'll try," with a scared look; she grasps my hand for a moment. I ask, and she directs me, to where the bathrooms are located.

8:55AM: I have my first, and only, cup of coffee for the day, courtesy of the testing center. (I don't want to add fuel to my anxiety, which, I notice, is surprisingly low).

9 AM: I meet a co-test-taker; find out I've met him before; we chat about the exam and engage in other social work-related jibjab. He will be taking the LCSW. I briefly panic at the thought that I will be given the LCSW exam in error.

9:10 AM: Although two of the four test-takers are missing, our proctor directs us to her office which is equipped with a window through which she soon will be observing us. One more mad dash to the restroom, and then I check in. This entails producing my official letter from ASWB, as well as my driver's license. I, being the careful person who I am, also bring my Passport and SS card to the center. She says it is better to err on the side of "just in case," and she shares that many people are turned away because they do not have an ID with them. She says some try to use grocery cards!

9:20 AM: Just as she is ready to take the two of us in to begin our exams, the other two testers arrive. It is a bit nerve-wracking to be delayed, but I decide to go with the flow. I am assigned a locker, and I have to put everything in it except for the sign-in form that she gives to me. I am allowed to keep my bottle of water on top of the locker, and will be allowed to take breaks if I want to. (The clock will not stop if/when I take a break).

9:45 AM: We sit down at our assigned desks; I am seated next to my new friend whom I like even more since he offers me a piece of chewing gum! I see cameras in the corners of the room, and I hope that I don't do anything embarrassing that will be caught on film, but those concerns leave my mind as quickly as they arrive.

9:50 AM: The newbies' computers aren't working; my testing BFF and I are forced to practice acceptance, which I am finding to be an okay thing so far
9:55 AM: We finally begin the test.
11 AM: I take a 4-minute break; and yes, I pray!
1:20 PM: I finish the 170th (and final) question (It has taken me about 3.5 hours). I go back and re-read the questions I have flagged; I change a few, and leave a few just as I answered them the first time (I recommend doing this because many of them will likely be early questions, before we enter the testing zone).
1:43 PM: I finish a short survey, and the computer asks me if I am sure I want to exit the test. I close my eyes, and check in with myself, and yes, I pray -- again. Truth be told, I probably did more praying than deep breathing, which I did quite often; both helped.
1:44 PM: I HIT THE EXIT BUTTON!
The words CONGRATULATIONS and PASS appear before me.
So as not to bother my co-test-takers, I silently lift my arms up to the sky; I give thanks, and then I cry a little from the stress release (silently, of course).
I sign out, and then go to the proctor's office. I tell her "I passed!" She seems happy for me. I tell I need to hug someone; I ask if she could be that someone. She seems happy to hug me. We bond in a situational way.
I ask her questions which she promises me she will deny answering; they seem very harmless and innocuous to me. Apparently she is witness to all manner of test score reactions. Some people sob (I admit that would have been me, had I not passed); some walk away wordlessly; some cheer and hug her (so, I'm not her first?)
I ask if she knows the ratio of Pass/Fail; she gauges it to be 50/50. I think positive thoughts about my test-mates, hoping they, too, passed their exams today.

I am elated! I walk out into the sunshiny day that has replaced the dreary, cloudy, rainy one that started this testing adventure. I pretend it's all for me! I know I am pretending, and it feels good.

As I prepare for sleep, I am counting all my blessings, not the least of which is YOU, dear reader.

~Southern LMSW

I'm Passing the LMSW

2010-11-25T13:33:00.000-05:00

November 30, 2010: This will be the day I'll look back upon and say, "That's the day I passed the LMSW." Yep, I am starting my affirmations, and positive self-talk.

I feel confident; I have studied as much as I need to pass this exam.

I will look at the suggestions and instructions again so I will be ready when I get there.

Until then, I will review my practice exam and review my books ... and relax.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

~SSW

Birthday wishes

2010-11-19T22:08:00.000-05:00

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY, and I have decided to make some wishes for the upcoming year:

Beginning today, I will begin my days with prayer, and end them with gratitude
Each day, for 15 minutes or longer, I will move my body
Daily, I will practice mindful meditation, following my breath and emptying my mind
One time per week, I will take a yoga class
I will seek healing in therapy, at 12-step meetings, and on spiritual quests
I will work reasonable hours; eight per day are enough most of the time
I will take day trips, weekend adventures, and vacations
Each and every day I will have fun, whatever that means for me (reading, watching a movie, hanging out with a friend)

~SSW

this job....

2010-11-15T22:38:00.000-05:00

I THINK THIS JOB IS....

maddening
more than I can ever finish
teaching me amazing things
scary on so many levels
the best place to learn social work
going to teach me how to take care of myself
all-consuming--only if I let it
bringing out the best and worst in me
showing me what true love is all about
the best thing that ever happened to me...and the worst!
an amazing way to create a new world view
something I can do, one day at a time....

~SSW

On-Call: Round Two

2010-11-11T22:49:00.004-05:00

IT'S MY SECOND ON-CALL EXPERIENCE. I feel a bit edgy; I guess that's the nature of this beast called "on-call" duty, huh? I can't control when, or what will happen.

I went and had a mani/pedi this afternoon after spending three hours in the pediatric ward at one of our local hospitals. I tried to relax, and it was a challenge. After making it through without any calls, I pushed my luck, dashed into Target, then grabbed a sandwich at Wendy's, and headed home. I was so tired by 5 PM that I took a three-hour nap. I was awakened by a call from a person who had been given our on-call number (our calls are supposed to be channeled through police department personnel, hospitals, and schools for the most part during on-call hours). I couldn't just tell her to call the police and hang up; I gave her some phone numbers and tried to direct her to the right place.

The "big three" factors for CPS were not present (maltreatment, a child 17 or under, and an alleged perpetrator), and even if they were, I would have had to direct her to the PD. She was calling about a homeless pregnant woman, and she didn't know where she was located, just that she was roaming the streets of this city. I asked the caller how she became involved, and she paused, and said that her brother had gotten the woman pregnant. Ahh; now I understood her frustration. I went all "social worker" and asked if she had considered temporarily housing the woman, or if she know of someone who could. "Oh, no," she replied, "I don't really know her," and "she was molested by someone in her family..."

This really set my mind "a-thinkin'" about the way we treat one another. People want to help, yet want someone else to "take care of it." Adults who were abused as children sometimes continue the cycle of abuse, bringing more children into the world who begin their innocent, powerless days in a vulnerable, hapless vortex.

Yet, I have hope -- still. After spending three hours in the hospital with a family that is truly "the village" we talk about when we say: "It takes a village to raise a child," I was so grateful that I could see through my cultural biases and accept people for who they are, and even celebrate and praise the behavior.

I had a friend who summed it up by saying: "Oh, well, they will grow up and find their way to therapy." I wish it was that simple. The worried well, and the "ones who get away" may be lucky enough to trudge their way to a healing place, yet so many others will not.

Just for today, I can put my head on the pillow knowing I walked the extra mile to help another person. Did it matter? I may never know and that's okay today.

~SSW

Challenging myself physically

2010-11-06T19:31:00.001-04:00

THIS MORNING I RAN/WALKED MY FIRST 5K IN SEVERAL YEARS. I have to say it was exhilarating. And painful. That's because I haven't done it for awhile, though, not because I overdid it, or was running without good form.

I have to say it really helped my overall attitude and outlook to complete a race. I felt strong and healthy. I had to rest afterward, too, and I gave myself permission to take a hot shower, eat a healthy meal, and relax. All afternoon.

I am planning to participate in another 5K soon, possibly on Thanksgiving Day. There is a Turkey Trot in a nearby park.

So, what does this have to do with Social Work? EVERYTHING.

I want to find balance.
I want to exercise to reduce stress.
I want to feel good about an accomplishment that has nothing to do with helping someone else (though many of the 5Ks are geared toward social causes, which I am cool with). I know that in the end, feeling good about me will make me a better clinician, yet I want to do this for my own mental health, too.

As I sit in my chair writing this post, my glutes are barking at me, and my thighs are tired. And it hurts so good.

~SSW

Throwing my notebook down the hall

2010-11-04T23:49:00.000-04:00

I THINK I AM STRESSED OUT. Today I threw my legal pad down the hallway at work. This is not really like me. It actually felt good. And, now it kind of "tickles" me. I made amends to a co-worker who I think it frightened (her eyes got so big). My boss didn't see it, but she heard it. We all kind of laughed about it afterward.

The conversation went like this:

Me: I threw my notepad down the hall.
Boss: I know; I heard it.
Me: I am kind of stressed out.
Boss: I don't know why you are stressed out; things are going so well for you.
Me: I have a lot on my list.

What happens is that I'll have a plan for the day; I settle into the office to get work done. My boss, a micro-manager, often interrupts me when I am doing documentation and other paperwork that requires concentration. We have scheduled staffing sessions each week to discuss cases, yet she tends to need to address everything immediately.

I need to get better at setting boundaries with her. If she needs to talk with me, and if I have scheduled my time for the day, I will tell her how many minutes I can talk (5, 10, 15, etc.), and then I will look at my watch, and stick to my guns.

Today, all my protected time was taken up by her impromptu meeting. I got stressed, didn't set limits, and ended up throwing my legal pad down the hall. *snicker*

I am going to go back to Yoga class, too.

~SSW

Tonight I met a person

2010-11-02T23:01:00.000-04:00

SHE TOLD ME SHE READS MY BLOG. For whatever reason, I am surprised, and I feel flattered, too. She is a really neat person (okay, I feel like I am 12 years old now), and it makes me feel really good to know someone likes my writings (I know: I've gone all "Sally Field").

I see this woman at cool events in my Southern city; in places where we are in the midst of like-minded community folk who seem to really care about important issues, and people. I've also seen her at fun gatherings, and she is sometimes there with beloved friends of mine. So, I guess you could say, I admire her. And, when someone I admire likes my words, it matters.

I want to say thank you to her, and to you, the people reading my posts. I write these words mostly to get through. Through the days like today when I worked with a young woman who can't stop drinking, even though it is jeopardizing the custody status of her child, or like last month when my supervisor and I were staffing a seemingly impossible case involving a developmentally delayed parent with five kids. You know: the days when answers seem distant and questions abound.

I cried today.

I was triggered by the young alcoholic woman/child. I knew it was a probability that I'd be triggered when I was assigned the case, and I knew I could handle it, or else I never would have taken the case. You see, my baby sister died from the complications of her addictions when she was just 32. She, too, had a child, and when she lost that child due to her inability to stop using, I believe she lost her will to live. So, as I looked at this young mother, all the while knowing that if she doesn't want to get sober, there is nothing I can do for her ~ nothing anyone can do for her, I cried.

One of my favorite books is "Becoming Naturally Therapeutic: A Return To The True Essence Of Helping," by Jacquelyn Small. In it, the author writes a lot about love. Whenever I feel guilty about my soggy heart and tender soul, I turn to this book for validation, and comfort. Because what I believe is that almost everyone wants to be loved, and to love. Lots of people are looking for a rescue boat, not knowing that they have all they need inside of them to rescue themselves.

At the end of the day, when I feel like I am powerless over people, places, and things, which incidentally I believe I always will be, it feels great to know that someone, somewhere, was able to take one thing from me that they liked, or that may have even helped them to get through.

~SSW

Knowing when to go home

2010-11-01T22:06:00.004-04:00

THIS MAY BE MORE OF A CHALLENGE than I thought. There will always be more to do. And people will keep on having problems long after 5 p.m. And, guess what? Whether I am there or not, it probably won't really matter. But it will matter for my family. I can't give more to other peoples' families than I give mine, right?

I sat back down in my chair tonight at 5:30 p.m., as I thought: "I'll stay until 6." Then I watched my supervisor walk past, calling out, "G'nite." I packed my bag and headed out.

There will be days and nights when I will choose to stay (for deadlines and on-call responsibilities), but not as a rule. Only I can decide when it really matters. And sometimes I will need to force myself out the door.

Since I graduated with my MSW in May, I have felt like I am in a PTSD fog. These days as I am studying for the LMSW (I passed my practice exam yesterday!), I feel like my head is clearing a bit. How do I know? I am itching for fun! I want to walk and bike and ride my scooter. I want to put my feet in the ocean and take day trips on the weekends.

I know I am the only one stopping me, and I needed to let myself come down from the anxiety and intensity of graduate school. So after almost 6 months, I feel like my time is coming!

I'd love to hear from other MSWs about their transition back into "normal life!"

~SSW

Priorities

2010-10-30T17:57:00.000-04:00

AFTER A VERY LONG WEEK, I came home to find that my beloved dog had either gotten into something, or something had gotten at her. The left side of her head was swollen and her eye was pinched almost shut. I took her to the emergency vet (it was after 10 p.m.), only to find out there were more serious emergencies (a puppy who couldn't breathe, a mama dog having trouble delivering her pups, and -- worst of all -- a dog who had been hit by a car). When the clock was close to striking 12, I decided me and my favorite girl were heading to the drugstore for some antihistamines.

This morning her eye was completely swollen shut, so I called my vet and headed over. She was given several meds and now she is home recuperating. I still don't know exactly what happened, but she's got a fierce infection.

This morning, in the middle of all the drama, and it's Saturday, my supervisor left a message asking me to call her to discuss something. I know social work doesn't stop when we leave the field, and I am not saying it doesn't matter to me, but I know what matters more, and it's my family. And, as soon as I called her back, I told her I was having a family emergency. She was very gracious about it, and I was very clear. We discussed it for a while, and then I excused myself.

One of my professors was so right when he told us that our agencies will not care about our self-care, so we have to take care of ourselves.

I feel like I did that today. I pray I will continue to keep my priorities straight.

~SSW

Words from my mentor

2010-10-29T00:14:00.000-04:00

"YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A WAY to do this," she said over the telephone line.

At first I didn't understand what she meant.

"I am doing it," I countered, "and, I am meeting my deadlines, and I think I am producing quality work."

She said: "I'm not saying you can't do the work; I am saying you have to find a way to do it that works for you."

As I settle into my nest (aka my wonderful bed), I am comforted by the knowledge that I made it through the month, I did the very best I could (and then some), and I feel good about my client contact.

"All I can do is all I can do..."

~SSW

HUGS from children

2010-10-27T23:03:00.000-04:00

AS A RULE, I don't initiate hugs with children with whom I work. I don't touch them, for the most part, unless they initiate. Why? I am setting the example for them to trust first. You know, the whole "stranger danger" idea. Just because I represent authority to a family doesn't give me the right to touch anybody.

Today, after a family planning meeting, the two youngsters (ages 2 and 3) in the group both waddled over to me, and hugged me (well, technically, they hugged my calves since they were very short). After they left, I skipped down the hallway back to my office, singing to my unit mates, "I got hugs from children!" They smiled their knowing smiles.

For me, kid hugs sometimes make the job more bearable. It signals to me that they aren't afraid of me. They see that their mother or father trusts me, and so they trust me, too.

It's important to me to know that what I do is a positive thing, especially for children. And, just for today, I am grateful for this small slice of joy.

~SSW

Wow

2010-10-26T20:29:00.003-04:00

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO DO THIS!

So, I was given nine new cases in one fell swoop (what does that even mean?) a week or so ago. I have worked my arse off (why is it still there?) trying to complete all the agency's monthly standards, and I even forfeited a Saturday (my choice) to catch up.

So I mention to my sup that if I finish everything, I will request leave on Friday. My supervisor says, well, if others on the unit have not seen all their clients, I may have to help them. What the what?!

Even if I meet my numbers, I will not have finished all the required work on my cases. So, if I was going to work on Friday, it would be on my work.

Am I missing something? I am a team player, and I am exhausted from racing hither and to (I know). It feels like I am being punished for doing a good job. Or, I am being rewarded for doing a lot of work, by being given more work.

I need to practice self care.

Is this where I need to learn the big lesson about slowing down? I believe it is. I believe I will. I am going to do it. R I G H T N O W!

~SSW

The Big Overwhelm

2010-10-14T23:23:00.001-04:00

I AM ONLY ONE PERSON. I can only do so much. I am willing to do my best, and I am committed to taking care of myself.

Two weeks ago, after little notice, our temporary staff were given pink slips. As expected, their cases were divided among the remaining regular staff. Two more workers were added to our unit. I absorbed four cases just before I left town for a wedding, had a furlough day, and a holiday. I did what I could in a couple of days, and boarded a plane to another state.

When I got back to work yesterday, I was told that one of the new hires walked off the job after just a couple of hours. I was given four more cases. It is the middle of the month, and I have much to do with my "old" cases. The new ones are not only unfamiliar to me; they are also not well-cared for and they need a lot of upfront work.

Today I found myself walking in circles trying to organize my bulging caseload while putting out a fire, keeping my scheduled visits, and trying to catch up from being away from the office.

As I finished my last family visit at 5:30, I thought about heading back to the office to work late. Instead I steered the car toward home. I am overwhelmed and the last thing I need to do is overwork. While not the healthiest option, I watched TV and ate junk food instead. In my defense, I am not a junk-food junkie, so it was a coping mechanism that I don't always employ, yet it felt like the right thing to do.

What I know is that all I can do, is all I can do. I will give it my best shot, and I will not kill myself trying to do all of it perfectly. If I get in all the visits, that will be amazing. I am fighting perfectionism right now, and it feels like crap.

Tonight I will get a good night's rest and start the day with a positive attitude. Feel free to send good energy and helpful tips!

---SSW

Time Away

2010-10-12T21:13:00.003-04:00

EVERYBODY NEEDS A LITTLE TIME AWAY. Time to sort it out, let it go, and think non-work-related thoughts.

Last Thursday I left my comfort zone behind and traveled to a different state to serve as matron of honor in a dear friend's wedding. I was graciously invited to stay with the bride's family in the home that became "grand-wedding-central" station. The experience was both a positive and a negative one for me. Positive because I was able to to reaffirm the daily living traits that are so uniquely mine, and negative for the same reason.

The longer I live, the more set in my ways I become, naturally, and I sometimes crave solitude. I mostly like it be quiet rather than noisy, and I prefer some semblance of order in my life. This caused me to retire earlier than usual (to recharge), to be silent when it was way too loud already, and to take it upon myself to monitor both the dining room table and the dishwasher. What does that mean, you ask? Well, whenever I felt the need for order, I would clear the dining room table (which became the common dumping ground for dishes, wrappings of all sorts, bags, pencils, decorations, and food) and either put away the clean dishes, or fill the dishwasher with dirty dishes -- depending on the need.

When I arrived home, I felt relief to step into my orderly home. Ironically, before I had left for the trip, I was dissatisfied with the condition of the house. My husband was planning an all-guys get-together, and I wanted to mop the floors and vacuum, and time got away from me. (He cooks and I clean, for the most part).

This leads me to the social-work focus of my post. I have a couple of families who live in shelters. I regularly ask them how it is going. I cannot imagine having to leave a home -- whether it's for protection from an abusive partner, or due to financial reasons. I recently asked a mother how things were going at the shelter in which she was living. She has a special needs child, and several other children. She looked at me and said: "We make do."

And I know she does. She sees a future for her family and she has a plan. She knows this is a necessary step to protect her family, and she believes it will end soon. That is how she is able to "make do."

I am in awe of some of my families (clients). I watch how they survive on next to nothing, and I observe how they love their children. I know I am the student, and they are my teachers at times. I see. I listen. I try to understand their plight. And, I am the witness to their strengths.

As I reflect back on the mild discomfort I experienced while staying in someone's home for four days, it does not escape me how blessed I am. I have so much for which to be grateful, and so few real worries worth courting.

--SSW

Re-charging

2010-10-03T15:01:00.002-04:00

OURS IS A FIELD IN WHICH WE SHALL REAP MANY REWARDS, and a field that will wear us out quickly if we do not take care of ourselves. For me, it takes physical activity to replenish my spirit and re-charge my body and mind.

Today I drove to a nearby park, complete with a lake filled with waterfowl, and trees filled with all manner of feathered flyers. I walked and jogged alternately from light pole to light pole. I don't run fast and I don't run for long, but I run, and by doing so I get relief from stress.

Sometimes it's hard to get motivated to walk or jog. I want to curl up on the couch and escape into TV Land. And, I do that, too. I like a good book, and sometimes reading feels like work (could it be that graduate school, textbooks and all, have burned out my desire for the time being?)

My therapist told me that the first months, maybe even the first year, after grad school would be different and perhaps difficult. One friend of mine said she thought she had PTSD after she earned her MSW. I have to say I have been pretty depressed since graduation.

One thing I know, though, is that I feel better when I exercise. So, to anyone out there struggling with post graduation depression, I suggest you put on your walking shoes and take the first step.

---SSW

Learning to let go

2010-10-01T21:13:00.001-04:00

THE END OF THE MONTH gets a bit intense in state agencies. It's about the numbers, and whether it's about making contacts, closing cases, or scheduling family meetings -- it has to be done. The program directors and supervisors spend lots of time running in and out of offices and standing around until it's all done. It's micro-management on crack.

I pretty much had all my work done, and due to some computer glitches, I had to resend some requests for approvals in our client database. By the end of the day, adrenaline levels were maxed out, and we were almost giddy with overwork.

That was yesterday. Today I crashed.

I didn't want to awaken when the alarm went off, and I rescheduled a doctor's appointment to sleep in instead. I had a lot of comp time this week, so I flexed out and got some rest.

Soon I was out the door, heading to a neonatal unit to observe a 2-pound preemie who started out her life testing positive for drugs. Then I was off to encourage a client to re-think the idea of moving her family back into a home from which she was ordered to remove her children just a month before. In between visits, I tried to complete documentation, and I felt like I had to hide out to do my work! The work day ended at 6:30 p.m. sitting on a couch that had no legs, in the home of a mentally ill client and her four children.

So here I sit, on a Friday night, trying to let it all go.....

--SSW

Child Welfare Workers: Please Take the Online Study!

2010-09-27T22:37:00.000-04:00

Researchers at Bridgewater State University in Massachusetts are conducting a new, anonymous, online study about child welfare workers and their perceptions of and/or experiences with child maltreatment deaths. If you are a child welfare worker (or you were in the past) and you have heard of a child maltreatment death, we hope that you will participate! Please understand that we are interested in hearing from BOTH child welfare professionals who have and who have not experienced a fatality on their caseload.

Please follow this link for more information!

The Healers

2010-09-27T20:49:00.000-04:00

OUR AGENCY IS TRANSFORMING. And, though it is an awesome thing, and I am grateful to be part of the "healing team," I am having moments of "WTF." Why? Because a lot is being asked when before so much was allowed to go on that was deplorable and unethical. Now that we have a strong team, it feels a bit nit-picky and micro-managed.

Don't get me wrong; I would not have been comfortable working in the old vortex of dysfunction. But, it is a bit unrealistic sometimes to be subjected to such HUGE expectations where just six months ago it was not required. Restoration must begin somewhere, huh?

I think it's harder for employees who have been around for years, and who became accustomed to floundering around without strong direction. I am not placing the blame anywhere as the problems were the result of a combination of overwork, underpay, inexperience, and lack of sufficient help.

So, while I am grateful to be employed while there is strong leadership, experienced workers, an ample work force and, well, still the same pay!, I have felt the urge to say, "Uncle!" a few times.

I will continue to trudge this "road of happy destiny...."

---SSW

Show all

On-call: What it's been like so far

2010-09-21T04:44:00.001-04:00

WHERE TO BEGIN? Guess the first day of on call is as good as any place to start my diatribe.

Day ONE: In the evening (7-ish)I got a call from a local children's center regarding a walk-in. This call was fairly benign and more of a mediation between the police officer, the young child, the mom, and me.

Day TWO: I hadn't even left work; we go on call at 4 PM and pick up any "in-house" calls of which the day staff can't meet immediate response time. The intake supervisor called regarding an incident of inadequate supervision. A very young mom (17) had left her one-year-old home alone while she went to a store down the street. Because her mother lived with her, we put a safety plan in place until a full investigation could take place.

Day THREE: I was asked to meet someone's contact requirements by making a home visit. Yes, I was aggravated. 'Nuff said.

Day FOUR: In the wee hours, I was called to meet the police at a local hotel where two minors had been left while mom was out partying. After four hours in the room, the on-call placement worker (via phone) finally found a home for them. I was up until 6AM alongside a rookie police officer.

... later that same day, in the late morning, I received, not one, not two, but three reports from a local hospital. Lucky for me, two were out-of-county cases, so I contacted the on-call worker from that county, and then headed over to the hospital to work with a case involving a child with severe CP who had both of his legs broken in what was deemed "not consistent with an accident."

In between, there were calls from social workers in other facilities who didn't have the BIG Three (child under 17, adult perpetrator, allegation of abuse/neglect), and who seemed to want to process their situation more than anything. While this annoyed my on-call supervisor (and me, too, a little), I had empathy because, like me, the social workers felt like they were out there alone, making big decisions about people's lives. So, I tried to be helpful. I get it.

Yesterday was the toughest day, and oddly enough it had nothing to do with going out on-call. It had everything to do with feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and exhausted. My immediate supervisors, one of whom is the on-call sup, have been incredibly supportive. They have been generous with their kudos and I have felt like I have had a safety net the whole time.

I know I am not perfect, and I am certain I made some unintentional errors as I am new at this, and that goes with doing anything for the first time.

The experiences in the field, and subsequently in the courtroom, have been layered with lessons I did not get in grad school. With just two more nights of on-call, I will be relieved to relinquish this phone and bag to the next selfless soul. I will also take with me memories of the kid faces I looked into, the collaboration I experienced with law enforcement and other social workers, and the self-care lessons I have learned on this journey.

--SSW

Preparing to be "On Call"

2010-09-11T12:49:00.001-04:00

I WILL HAVE MY FIRST WEEK of "ON CALL" CPS DUTY this coming Thursday until the following Thursday. I am excited and anxious at the same time. This means I will head out when the after-hours calls come in to assess situations alongside law enforcement to determine if any children are at risk.

My agency held a training yesterday and I am grateful that it will be fresh in my memory. I think I will find this to be interesting, and I believe I will remain calm in the face of not-so-calm circumstances. Calmness is a strength of mine, and I hope to draw from it as needed. I am also giving myself permission to have my feelings (appropriately, of course).

I am mentally preparing for this requirement of my job. I want to have all the forms and procedures at the ready. As well as job-related tools, I'll pack a box of healthy snacks and water for times when an energy boost might help all concerned. I am even considering picking up a few teddy bears.

It's going to be a learning experience, so I need to give myself a break and not expect to know everything. In fact, we are not expected to go this alone. As soon as we get the call, we then call an on-call supervisor to discuss whether it warrants a response. One of our unit supervisors will also be on call, and that is reassuring for me. If I had to work with a new person, that might make things more challenging. We are comfortable with one another, and I respect her style.

I may do some posting to the blog during this new job "adventure" -- if I am awake and need to vent, share, or write it out!

--SSW

What's It All About, Alfie?

2010-09-06T21:12:00.000-04:00

I wonder if anyone else can relate to the feelings I am having...

So here goes:

I got the degree (MSW)
I got the job
Things are settling down after four months since graduation day

So why do I feel:

A bit depressed
A little anxious
Somewhat let down
With a side of "itching for more?"

I think this is probably normal. For two and a half years I was running -- non-stop. Now, I am in the field, and it is intense, and pretty much what I expected it would be.

I guess it will pass. Or spur me on to more ... whatever that is!

--SSW (Southern Social Worker)

A Mini Class Reunion

2010-09-02T21:27:00.000-04:00

I JUST HAD A WONDERFUL TIME with three of my former classmates. We broke bread, and laughed, and talked about what we were up to today -- and we did a bit of reminiscing, too.

It was so nice to see them again. We shared two and a half years together, and it was a wonderful -- and awful time. Wonderful because we were together, and we pushed ourselves (and each other) to the limit and survived. Awful because it was really HARD! I have to say it was the toughest thing I've ever done -- for so many reasons, in so many ways.

And, truth be told: it would not have been worth it without my classmates. I learned more from them than from any book or class. I watched as they grew into social workers. And it was a beautiful thing!

--Southern Social Worker

Come Saturday Morning

2010-08-28T09:16:00.000-04:00

I AM BEGINNING TO THINK that Social Work, and in my case -- child welfare specifically, will always be a job that one must wear like a loose garment, lest we crumble under the weight of its heaviness.

I can feel the moments when I let go, and breathe, and exhale and inhale and tense up and release.

So, once again, I'll recap my days -- free association style:

grieving a friend's death all week
spending time with a family headed by a mother with schizoaffective disorder
watching her four beautiful children aged 1-9 as they adjust their lives to her ways
observing her love and attentiveness and knowing, in the end, this love will be the part that matters most
asking the oldest child, "How do you get punished" and listening to her reply, "I stand in the corner for a while, or go to my room, and then we discuss it"
getting to know my new supervisor, and really liking her
working on paperwork and learning how to do "stuff"
working late and then having an epiphany that it will never get done, and that I should do the most important things (when I figure out what they are)
having another epiphany that this applies to all work
reading Marianne Williamson's "Return to Love" (again), especially the chapters about work and really getting that it's about love and service
craving exercise and downtime -- and coffee with a friend and getting ready to do just that

--Southern Social Worker

A Day in the Life

2010-08-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

WHERE TO BEGIN? MAYBE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WRITING....

8:15 AM: no office keys; security gets me in
9:40 AM: looking for the mom and family at the shelter
9:49 AM: meeting a wonderful case manager who offered to help a client by going the extra mile
11AM-1 PM: watching a dad go from defensive and angry to collaborative and smiling in the course of a family team meeting
speaking the truth and getting somewhere
1:30 PM: eating lunch at my desk and learning of a friend's death
wanting to tell everyone I love that I love them
2:30 PM: sitting with an autistic child who is joyful
3:15 PM: finally getting a meeting scheduled with the "elusive" client
talking with my sponsor, my therapist, my husband
reading my friend's obit and feeling like it can't be true
eating m & m s until my teeth hurt
drinking lots of water to flush out the sugar
knowing I should go to bed but needing to vent ... here

--Southern Social Worker

Pangs of Gratitude

2010-08-22T14:59:00.000-04:00

WHENEVER I GET SICK OR REQUIRE MEDICAL ATTENTION, I have intermittent pangs of gratitude. Sounds kind of nutty, eh? Don't get me wrong; I feel equal parts of self-pity and general unrest, too.

Here's the deal: I don't have a bunch of children who need more attention than I can give; I don't live in a filthy hovel; I can pay for health care and medicine; my husband is helpful and supportive, and he cooks, too; I have air-conditioning during record-high temperatures in the South; I don't have to leave the house for ANY reason, unless I want to; and I have a fairly positive attitude about my chances of healing quickly because I get to rest.

To the average person those reasons might seem like "givens." But to those of us who work in the trenches of social work, we know these are the luxuries of the middle and upper classes.

This past week I have been in homes that had little or no furniture, and nary a comfortable or clean place that I would want to lay my head. I can gather up my sheets, walk less than 25 steps and put them into a clean washing machine (where only my family's laundry gets washed). I have visited clients (who have no transportation) in subsidized housing communities where there are no laundry facilities. I can only guess how often bedding can be cleaned due to lack of resources (money, travel, supplies).

Other homes I have visited this week housed special needs children who could not verbalize their feelings. The stench of cigarette smoke in one home practically drove me out; I can't imagine its effect on the tiny lungs that are exposed to it daily. Some of the cleanest homes have rusted appliances, torn linoleum, ripped-out screen doors, and duct-taped broken windows.

Some of the week's case management involved:

Assisting a family transitioning into a safe shelter to escape the threats of a spouse who means to harm them.
Assessing safety in a family who lived below people whose noise could be heard as I approached from the parking lot.
Trying to track down a family who had acquired permanent housing (very limited in our city). The mother was angry about the shape of the home (it needed cleaning and there were some water bugs). When I drove up to the residence I was impressed by a fine neighborhood, a large yard, and a well-built three-bedroom house. After seeing so many less-than-adequate dwellings that day, and knowing several families who would give anything to live in this home, I had to remind myself that her mental illness was the qualifier for her to receive this long-term rental home. I will show empathy for her difficulty with this change in her life.

Ironically Crosby, Stills & Nash are on the player singing "Teach Your Children."

Enough said.

-- Southern Social Worker

Social Work is Unpredictable

2010-08-18T18:50:00.000-04:00

I AM CERTAIN THAT SEASONED WORKERS ARE SMILING, or maybe thinking "duh?" regarding my title.

I had my day fairly planned out -- with some leeway for the unexpected, of course. But who knew it would get out of control in such a hurry? With our Every Parent, Every Child, Every Month state mandate, family preservation workers have to plan their weeks to make sure they see their families each month.

I was on a roll of sorts. Granted my caseload is somewhat reasonable right now; I have about 6 cases. But hey, I am a new case manager still working on certification, so everything is relative. At any rate, I really believe I am going to see all my clients this month.

Mid-morning I got a call from my supervisor, and I had to rearrange, and change, and stretch out the day to take care of a sensitive case. I was happy to do it. Really. I like the sensitive cases. Let me clarify: I don't like that they exist -- I wish they did not. And, I am able to remain calm and get down to business when the need is great. It doesn't bother me to ask the questions, or go the distance. And I generally trust my heart and head to collaborate while I make decisions.

So, as I settle in for the evening, I feel a bit better about one mom who has a "Plan B," which is to take her children and go to a local shelter should her partner violate the restraining order that has been put in place to protect them. I know I have done everything I could possibly do for one day. (I'll leave the rest up to the Highest Power).

--Southern Social Worker

Three Months on the Job

2010-08-18T01:38:00.000-04:00

TUESDAY MARKED THREE MONTHS on the job, so I figured it was time to start my blog. I am keeping it simple for now, knowing that as the days go by I may add more "fanciness to my look." Just for today, though, I will say hello and begin...

--Southern Social Worker

Social Worker in the South

Re-igniting the Dreams

"I Don't Get Paid to Be Nice"

The Hardest Words in Child Welfare

Learning More About CSEC

Wind of Change

Empathy for the Intern

Home is Where They Love You

I Think I Need Some Time Off

Remembering why we chose this field

Furloughs and three-day week-ends, oh my

Late Night Energy

Keeping the Focus on the Work

A Letter on the 4th of July

On-call Supervision

Gratitude List

Bossy Pants

A Tale of Two Youngsters

100 per cent

What would you have done?

Furloughs and holidays, oh my!

'Nuff Said

Holding on Loosely

Mice Will Play...

Are You a Team Player?

I must like my job

Being a Supervisor

Must be a good fit

Some days...

Presenting our agency expectations

First Week on the Job; A Retrospective

Trusting the Process

Unraveling

time to chill

one more day

Good Grief and Kind Words

Getting ready for the change

What do you like/not like about your supervisor?

Changing Positions

Spiritual Politics

"Always speak of the past, gratefully.Of the future, excitedly.And of the present with bobbing eyebrows and a Cheshire grin.Spiritual politics, baby."(The Universe)

~SSW

Turning it over

Time Away

Stretching

Just because you can...

I PASSED THE LMSW EXAM!

I'm Passing the LMSW

Birthday wishes

this job....

On-Call: Round Two

Challenging myself physically

Throwing my notebook down the hall

Tonight I met a person

Knowing when to go home

Priorities

Words from my mentor

HUGS from children

Wow

The Big Overwhelm

Time Away

Re-charging

Learning to let go

Child Welfare Workers: Please Take the Online Study!

The Healers

On-call: What it's been like so far

Preparing to be "On Call"

What's It All About, Alfie?

A Mini Class Reunion

Come Saturday Morning

A Day in the Life

Pangs of Gratitude

Social Work is Unpredictable

Three Months on the Job

"Always speak of the past, gratefully.
Of the future, excitedly.
And of the present with bobbing eyebrows and a Cheshire grin.
Spiritual politics, baby."(The Universe)